No, Your Workplace Isn’t a “Family”
You’d think I’d be the type of person to call my workplace a family.
All my bridesmaids were former coworkers, and there were more colleagues than blood relatives at my wedding.
Nearly all my friends used to — or currently — work with me.
Hell, I even started Hack/Slash Media with a former coworker (the lovely Aimee Maroney).
Work is at the core of my identity and most of my closest relationships are with people I’ve worked with.
So then why do I bristle when people call their workplace a family? Or make up cutesy nicknames like “[COMPANY NAME] FAM”? Or when “Family” is one of a company’s Core Values?
It’s because it’s emotionally manipulative.
But all the manipulative rhetoric in the world isn’t going to make work provide any of the things that an actual family provides — like love.
As the great Sarah Jaffe titled her fabulous book: Work Won’t Love You Back. Unlike a real family, work doesn’t provide emotional support — and the financial support it provides can end at any time.
Here are just a few of the many ways your workplace is absolutely not a family.
Families Don’t Kick You Out If They Run Out of Money
The “we’re a family” thing becomes transparently bullshit as soon as funds are tight. It’s difficult rhetoric to maintain while laying people off in the middle of a pandemic while executives are still earning six or seven figures.
Most of us require the money we make at work in order to pay our bills, buy food, and do all the non-work things we enjoy doing. Our paychecks are directly tied to our livelihood.
And companies can — and do — impact that livelihood without warning. Even the good ones. And it’s not even evil. It’s “just business.” But it can’t be “just business” if you’re a family.
Families Let You Show Your Emotions
Workplaces, especially the ones called “families,” tend to exhibit symptoms of toxic positivity and don’t appreciate anyone sharing any other emotions.
My partner here at Hack/Slash Media was once yelled at for crying after finding out her grandfather was dying. She was told to “get [her] act together.” That doesn’t sound like the response a family would give, unless it’s a super toxic one.
Even in healthier work environments, we’re taught to compartmentalize and set boundaries when it comes to our emotions.
We’re expected to exhibit positivity more often than we feel positive. And that’s exhausting. And, most importantly, a (good) family wouldn’t make you fake it.
“The compulsion to be happy at work, in other words, is always a demand for emotional work from the worker. Work, after all, has no feelings. Capitalism cannot love.”
― Sarah Jaffe, Work Won’t Love You Back: How Devotion to Our Jobs Keeps Us Exploited, Exhausted, and Alone
Families Support You Longer Than a Few Years
Back in the day (from the stories that boomers have told me), you could start in the mailroom and work up the ranks and eventually be the boss. You truly could spend your entire career at a single company.
But workplace culture has changed. Instead of companies being loyal to employees and employees being loyal to companies, the workforce is full of “job hoppers.”
I am one of these people. But I’ll tell you something: I’ve never hopped jobs if I’ve had an opportunity to progress at my current job.
A family is forever; a workplace is for as long as you both benefit.
“In the New Work, employers may expect loyalty from workers but owe no loyalty to them in return. Instead of being offered secure jobs that can last a lifetime, people are treated as disposable widgets that can be plugged into a company for a year or two, then unplugged and sent packing.” ― Dan Lyons, Disrupted: My Misadventure in the Start-Up Bubble
Families Don’t Prevent You from Caring for Your Family
If work is your family, is work trying to supplant your actual family?
Many employees — men and women alike — are reprimanded or lose career momentum due to taking time off to care for sick children, spouses, or parents.
While the FMLA (Family and Medical Leave Act) entitles employees to job-protected leave for things like childbirth and caring for relatives with a serious health condition, it only requires unpaid leave. And it only protects employees in a 12-month period with up to 26 weeks of time off.
And it only protects the job you have. Employers may still stunt your career growth because you took time off from your work family to care for your actual family.
The Company Isn’t Your Family — The People Are
We had this saying in the poetry community: “You are the family I choose.”
We get to pick who feels like family to us. And for me, most of those people are coworkers.
At the end of the day, though, it’s the people who are your family, not the company.
I’m grateful for every company that introduced me to my family, that connected me with people who feel like they’re my blood.
But companies are businesses and they’ll pick what’s best for the business over what’s best for you every time. And that’s okay. Just know that your workplace is your workplace, not your family.
